Eating in America…
Apr. 16th, 2009 06:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
almostwittyI’ve been in Ohio for ten days now, give or take, and aside from the aforementioned so-called Asian doughnuts, I have been introduced to such culinary delights as:
- country fried steak for breakfast. This would be a pork steak covered in breadcrumbs, and then deep-fried - for breakfast. Even the Scottish with their deep-fried Mars bars wouldn’t cover it in breadcrumbs first. In the interests of research, I had to try this as part of a three-plate breakfast buffet.
Of course, if only I hadn’t then had to go on a Easter egg hunt looking for candy-filled Easter eggs for kids (with a side-trip to Arbys for a roast beef sandwich and a malted milkshake), and then onto a sumptuous evening dinner with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
anivair and ravenna_blue with some wonderful potato concoction that turned out to be twice-baked potato or something…
- In the UK, it’s called a Welsh rarebit and often the butt of national jokes about Welsh cuisine. But in Ohio, melted cheese sandwiches are revered at Melts, a rather cool bar’n'grill where the menu comes on the back of old vinyl covers. Shame that a melted cheese sandwich apparently takes an hour from ordering to arrival.
- After that came a dessert course of hot fudge ice cream at Malleys. The Americans, they like their ice cream. Even at 1pm on a wet Wednesday afternoon.
However, there are side-effects that come from eating out in America.
For a start, everything’s growing more. My hair, my nails, my moustache … they’ve all come on in leaps and bounds over the last ten days. It’s lucky I have a shaver otherwise UK immigration won’t be able to recognise me from my passport photo.
Another one is that everything comes … out … far more quickly than expected. And in big consistent chunks, in case you were wondering. However, while in London being caught short merely means running for the nearest pub/restaurant/Starbucks and hoping that their toilets are clean, being caught short in Ohio results in a bit more of an adventure.
To whit, a dash into a “gas” station to visit the toilet means a notice on the restroom door stating that you have to ask for the key. But this is an emergency, and besides, the door opens, so I hop in, lock the door and settle down to business. Two minutes later, someone who seems to have the key unlocks the door and starts to saunter in, whereupon I make my presence felt. Fortunately, the intruder beats a hasty exit.
They say the walk of shame is done when leaving a clandestine lover at 3am after a random club rendezvous. While I have never walked that walk of shame, I have walked the one that results from leaving a gas station with the cash registrar’s beady little eyes on me, and all the customers knowing that I walked into a restroom, polluted it, and left without - shock, horror! - buying anything. But on the other hand, having just vacated a full stomach, adding a stack of chewing gum to the contents of my stomach is not a good idea.
Originally published at almost witty. You can comment here or there.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 06:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 06:59 pm (UTC)You little oinklet!
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:01 pm (UTC)Speaking of poo-related matters, I now know what rat poo looks like.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:03 pm (UTC)There are ways of making boys clean up after themselves yanno.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:05 pm (UTC)I tell you, it's stickier than a sticky stick insect called Benjamin.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:14 pm (UTC)sadismandcookies.com
(Bonus feature: Helen Mirren. Naked.)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:15 pm (UTC)Yer just bein a piglet. haha.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:05 pm (UTC)A voice from the wilderness (or Canada) cries..
Date: 2009-04-17 04:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 06:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:09 pm (UTC)I can see I shall have to get my spelling ruler out...
As for toilet humour, to quote from Blackadder IV: Private Plane:
Red Baron: 'How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you it is the basis of an entire culture.'
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:56 pm (UTC)It's also referred to as a "Chicken Fried Steak" though there is no chicken involved.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-17 04:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 10:37 pm (UTC)