Zombies! What are they good for?

[almostwitty]

A debate that shove_this_job seems to be having with her mother (and defacto, me) …

What can you do with an untamed zombie?

So we’re leaving out the zombies at the end of Shaun of the Dead, Fido and Land of the Dead, ie the ones that have either been trained, or shown signs of doing things other than wanting to eat your brains out.

This does include zombies who can talk and reason – as in the ones in Tasty Flesh and Marvel Zombies – just as long as they still have an all-consuming desire to eat your brains and flesh.

Suggestions that we’ve had so far include:

• Prostitutes/escorts – which wouldn’t work because prostitutes/escorts work for money. And what’s the good of money if it doesn’t get you brains? Plus, of course, would a zombified escort want their client’s money or their brain? Their brain, of course.
• Loan shark heavies – ie a loan shark, or someone you owe money to, threatens to send zombies to your door. This wouldn’t work because a zombie let loose would end up chomping through the brains of the person you owed money to – or worse yet, turning them into zombies. And a zombie isn’t going to work hard to pay up your debt.

Surely, the whole reason that zombies are such a popular topic in culture is because they stand for the relentless, the indefinable. The thing that cannot be stopped, reasoned with or outnumbered.

Of course, I say all this without having seen a single zombie film (aside from the rather terrible Resident Evil: Apocalypse) because I'm rather scared of them in the movie world. Of course, this didn’t stop shove_this_job buying me the surprisingly good The Zen of Zombie: Better Living Through the Undead which is a great read. With a couple of good life lessons thrown in for good measure.

Note to future self: I’m scared of zombies. So stop looking for Flickr pics of zombies at midnight. Because it’s just going to scare you.

Mirrored from almost witty.

Comments

[travelsintown.livejournal.com]

I'm really scared of zombies too. I can't even watch Shaun of The Dead without having nightmares and that Big Brother Zombie thing that was on earlier in the year terrified me.
I think one can deal with werewolves and vampires, but zombies no.

[travelsintown.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was good, I kind had to watch it because I got into it, but I was scared stupid!

Children frighten me more than zombies though.

[almostwitty]

Shame the film of shove_this_job's nieces acting like zombies (with blonde hair!) didn't survive :(

[countessof-roth.livejournal.com]

I love zombies.

My husband says its because I have a relentless need to destroy things and if I went a zombie hunting, it would not only be socially acceptable, but i'd be damn good at it and be hailed a hero.

[tshell.livejournal.com]

i would say hitman is the only thing they're good for.

favorite zombie movie: return of the living dead.
one of those it's so stupid it's funny movies.

[almostwitty]

But how would a zombie know to target one particular person? They'd probably just eat everyone in sight (including the one giving the orders) en route to the target...

[tshell.livejournal.com]

you get the target to come to some location by sending them a fake invite to something or tell them you're interested in buying their car or anything... then let the zombie loose on them once they're in this warehouse/garage/office/house/discotheque.
the target gets it, the zombie is reined in after the deed has been done.
voila.
:D

[almostwitty]

a. How would you rein in a zombie? THEY CANNOT BE STOPPED
b. The target would then become a zombie. Smart move, kiddo.
c. Wouldn't it be easier just to shoot him?

Then again, spot the person who was in the military ;)

[tshell.livejournal.com]

ohhhhh. i thought this was a trained zombie.
ah well.
then no.
zombies are not good for anything.
the only thing i can see them being good for is if you hate planet earth... you let them loose, they wreak havoc, kill/turn everyone into zombies, then die off because there's no more live brains to munch on and the planet is left uninhabited.
so destruction of the human race is the only thing they seem fit for.

zombies suck.
:)

[almostwitty]

"This does include zombies who can talk and reason – as in the ones in Tasty Flesh and Marvel Zombies – just as long as they still have an all-consuming desire to eat your brains and flesh."

So I suppose if you could train a zombie to kill one particular person in one particular room, it'd be a handy killing room...

[tshell.livejournal.com]

i said die off... they don't die i suppose.. so it'll just be a zombie planet.

again, zombies suck.

[hellmutt.livejournal.com]

Scared of zombies eh? How positively darling. Thank you for that information.

In Resident Evil (games, not films) the zombie plague is intended as a bioweapon. The games are one big exploration of how that can, DUH, backfire.

Must read Marvel Zombies. The excerpts I used to see on scans_daily were hilarious.

[almostwitty]

I dunno. Angsty superheroes who are combined by THE HUNGER, and then all mournful about the fact they ate EVERYONE, including their nearest and dearest.... Not pretty.

Or maybe I take all this stuff far too seriously!

[almostwitty]

It fails the boundaries of the scenario:

"(Zombies must) still have an all-consuming desire to eat your brains and flesh."

Your zombies would not necessarily want to eat *our* brains and flesh in your scenario. So it's not a valid scenario.

Never mind the fact that you've essentially destroyed 99.9% of humanity to make it work

[madmosh-uk.livejournal.com]

Sexy nurse zombie is unbelievably hot for some reason. Scary.

And check out the trailer for ZombieWorld. Looks great!

[almostwitty]

Shame I'm about to replace it with a suitable pic of Shalene!

[madmosh-uk.livejournal.com]

*wooshes back to look*

[almostwitty]

I like it :)

[almostwitty]

There's also the vaguely disdainful face. The Shalene I know and love ;)

[travelsintown.livejournal.com]

Great rack though!