Zombies! What are they good for?

[almostwitty]

A debate that shove_this_job seems to be having with her mother (and defacto, me) …

What can you do with an untamed zombie?

So we’re leaving out the zombies at the end of Shaun of the Dead, Fido and Land of the Dead, ie the ones that have either been trained, or shown signs of doing things other than wanting to eat your brains out.

This does include zombies who can talk and reason – as in the ones in Tasty Flesh and Marvel Zombies – just as long as they still have an all-consuming desire to eat your brains and flesh.

Suggestions that we’ve had so far include:

• Prostitutes/escorts – which wouldn’t work because prostitutes/escorts work for money. And what’s the good of money if it doesn’t get you brains? Plus, of course, would a zombified escort want their client’s money or their brain? Their brain, of course.
• Loan shark heavies – ie a loan shark, or someone you owe money to, threatens to send zombies to your door. This wouldn’t work because a zombie let loose would end up chomping through the brains of the person you owed money to – or worse yet, turning them into zombies. And a zombie isn’t going to work hard to pay up your debt.

Surely, the whole reason that zombies are such a popular topic in culture is because they stand for the relentless, the indefinable. The thing that cannot be stopped, reasoned with or outnumbered.

Of course, I say all this without having seen a single zombie film (aside from the rather terrible Resident Evil: Apocalypse) because I'm rather scared of them in the movie world. Of course, this didn’t stop shove_this_job buying me the surprisingly good The Zen of Zombie: Better Living Through the Undead which is a great read. With a couple of good life lessons thrown in for good measure.

Note to future self: I’m scared of zombies. So stop looking for Flickr pics of zombies at midnight. Because it’s just going to scare you.

Mirrored from almost witty.

Comments

[tshell.livejournal.com]

ohhhhh. i thought this was a trained zombie.
ah well.
then no.
zombies are not good for anything.
the only thing i can see them being good for is if you hate planet earth... you let them loose, they wreak havoc, kill/turn everyone into zombies, then die off because there's no more live brains to munch on and the planet is left uninhabited.
so destruction of the human race is the only thing they seem fit for.

zombies suck.
:)

[almostwitty]

"This does include zombies who can talk and reason – as in the ones in Tasty Flesh and Marvel Zombies – just as long as they still have an all-consuming desire to eat your brains and flesh."

So I suppose if you could train a zombie to kill one particular person in one particular room, it'd be a handy killing room...