Reasons why American crispy bacon sucks #43

[almostwitty]

When it drops to the floor, it shatters into a thousand useless pieces.


(via theferrett)

Delicious British oily bacon is resilient. Flexible. STRONG.

When someone foolishly drops British bacon to the floor, it stays yummy and edible!

Comments

[amante-donne.livejournal.com]

Is THAT Bacon?

[almostwitty]

It is, according to the Americans. Do not mock them for they do not know what they do not know...

[aiela.livejournal.com]

I'm American, and I think bacon that crispy is an insult upon the poor pig that died to give me my salty "meat candy".

Bacon should be chewy, so you can savor every drop of greasy salty goodness.

[almostwitty]

Come to Britain! We have your perfect bacon right here!

[aiela.livejournal.com]

Trust me, I'd love to. And not just for the bacon! :)

[almostwitty]

We're only a plane ride away! ;)

[aiela.livejournal.com]

Sadly, they make me give them MONEY to get on the plane. What's up with that?

[almostwitty]

Ah. you could always use jet-skis...

[offensive-mango.livejournal.com]

You don't know how awful it is in Britain though. They give you a fatty slab of HAM and call it bacon. Nasty nasty nasty.

Bacon THAT crisp is indeed a crime, but what you (probably) mean by "chewy" bacon and what you get thrown at you over here by the snarling waitron are VERY different things.

[almostwitty]

Oh no they don't! The American 'ham' I've had is a huge piece of round pink thing about 10mm thick!

[offensive-mango.livejournal.com]

Haha, unintentionally dirtiest comment of the day :)

[almostwitty]

I ought to get an award. A cock ring or something.

[aiela.livejournal.com]

Is it similar to Canadian "bacon", which, to me, is just ham? :P

[offensive-mango.livejournal.com]

Similar, but bigger, thicker, and usually soggier. Here is some (on the bottom left) where the person making it has actually tried to brown it--a rare event that, for what it's worth, only happens at people's houses, never in restaurants).

[almostwitty]

I humbly disagree. Canadian bacon, as I've had it in the States, seems to have just the round bit of the bacon.

Whereas when served in the UK, we have all the other bits of the bacon too. The fat, everything. Yumsies!

[offensive-mango.livejournal.com]

I can get on with the British stuff, but it has to be well-browned, and I have to think of it as an entirely different substance from bacon when I'm eating it to avoid disappointment.

[almostwitty]

My friend muzikfiend says:

"it's apples and oranges. They are both called bacon but they are 2 totally different things. kinda like your use of the word fanny and ours. or the word pants. 2 totally different things."

[offensive-mango.livejournal.com]

Your friend is wise.

[offensive-mango.livejournal.com]

Also: yes, this is fair. The Canadians seem to stop at the round bit.

[anivair.livejournal.com]

in all fairness to American cut bacon, it can be very good when not overcooked. "Crispy" is never a way bacon of any sort should be served. Because "crispy" means burned.

[almostwitty]

I look forward to a serving of delicious, uncrispy, American bacon. Sadly, I fear that day will never come.

[anivair.livejournal.com]

I'll make that happen somehow.

[kiri-l.livejournal.com]

That looks like ham...

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

I miss real bacon here.

[almostwitty]

You can buy it in America...

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

Oh, I can get it. I just can't justify the expense :)

[almostwitty]

Shame I'm not moving to Cleveland. We'd have regular British bacon parties and invite our American friends. Who would all shun us and we'd be the two rats in the corner, kneeling, and savagely biting into our bacon sarnies with relish while the Americans looked on in horror.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

It's not a bacon sarnie unless it's made with a honking slab o'pig. *nods*

[kiri-l.livejournal.com]

now I can really feel my arteries hardening.. from thousands of miles away... *teasing*

[theanatomist.livejournal.com]

Food should never shatter on impact. It'd be like eating glass. Those Americans are most quaint.

[almostwitty]

What about crisps? Or Nachos?

[theanatomist.livejournal.com]

They don't shatter. Break a bit maybe but the basic structure is still there. But that bacon shattered and became almost unrecognisable. ;)

[travelsintown.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I want bacn now.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

This entry is scientifically accurate and should win an award.

[wyndhover.livejournal.com]

Both bacons are nummy, but I confess to liking American bacon more. At all reasonable levels of crispiness.

[madmosh-uk.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'm all for the 10 second rule but that's *your* kitchen floor...

[madmosh-uk.livejournal.com]

You are *so* going to have to try harder to fit in... I recommend a trip down to Goldhawk Road tube station. There' a little cafe there run by a woman who *really* knows how to make a breakfast.

[almostwitty]

The amount of complaining you do about bacon that's cooked right, I wouldn't be surprised if the chef had a special method just for you to ensure you didn't complain to the health inspectors!